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| Seconds before the kaboom! |
Ever have a situation where you are feeling status quo, going about your business, doing what you have to do, and someone makes a comment that within a split second, your peaceful or neutral existence turns into a freakin nightmare of mish mosh, self doubt and defense mode - the world is awful, nothing makes sense, not the person your speaking to, not the goal you were working on, not even yourself and now everything is a waste!
Not me. Never happens. Just thought I'd ask. KIDDING!
What that comment does to you physically - if we could see it in slow-mo - I am sure would be hilarious! It would be totally looney-tune like. Your head would swells up like a balloon, face turn beat red, heart jumps out of chest, hair straight out on end, eyes huge, popped out and rolling around in the eye socket, smoke coming out of your ears, with tacks, darts and arrows flying out of your mouth as you try spitting out some kind of reply back.
It's not easy. It's hard to maintain control to have a normal conversation when you feel attacked or insulted especially if you were conscientiously working on something with the best of intentions.
Well, we all know we can't control others on the outside, so the real solution is how you learn to handle yourself and that takes self-responsibility and self-awareness.
So, here are a few tips I've found to work for myself:
1.
NURTURE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM so that you stand a solid foundation of knowing who you are - your values, your feelings, your goals, your intentions - and that you at least stay in alignment with this integrity to yourself in your actions. That way you are better not to take a self-defense mode in ANGER when an outside influence comes at you. You will be better able to discern what this person is really saying before you take up that pitchfork in defense.
2.
BE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR AND LISTENER - they go hand in hand. If you happen to excel in oratory arts but you don't listen - it doesn't matter what you say, the listener will only hear inflections, tones and make their own idea up of what is actually being said. If you listen, but you can't get the right words out to explain yourself - you won't be heard right either and the argument will sustain itself. So...do the best you can by setting intentions to become a good communicator & listener at the same time.
3.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TIME. If it becomes too much or too intense. Take a step aside to excuse yourself. Calm yourself down. Realize that if you are in reaction mode, you mostly likely won't make sense. So if it's better for you to step away, take a breath, take a walk to bring yourself back down from looney-tune mode to normal person mode, then do it. If there is no time and you blurted out what you did, come back later (better late than never) to have a down-to-earth conversation in normal tones to clear the air and to give the respect of effort to make sure both people are understood.
It's not easy being human dealing with all the issues we deal with, but we can always try our best by taking an active role in self-responsibility and self-awareness. We are not here to hurt each other, so if we can do our best to come from a place of good intentions, it will certainly move us all in the right direction so we can focus on what really matters.
To your adventure,
Linda Parker
Creator & Founder
Soulistic Adventures, LLC
www.SoulisticAdventures.com
Linda@SoulisticAdventures.com
Need help with self-esteem, accountability to yourself or expressing yourself? I offer a complimentary BE MOVED DISCOVERY SESSION to find out what's keeping you from moving forward in your life. Contact Linda@SoulisticAdventures to request a session OR visit www.SoulisticAdventures.com and visit the "coaching" tab and other body, mind, soul movement programs to help you get MOVING!!
On March 26, 2013 at 6:30pmET, I was interviewed on CBS Sky Radio's program "A Moment of Change". I am on the second half of the recording below:
